November, 2006

I have been given a real lot in my life. Most of the times when people would reach out and give to me, I was not willing to acknowledge their gift. The largest gift I have received in my life was Cross Creek, but it was also the hardest gift for me to acknowledge. When I first arrived at Cross Creek, I didn’t see it as much of a gift at all. Now I see things much differently.

Life at home was difficult for me (or I made it that way). I had low self-esteem, an addictive personality, and I was very stubborn. I had a lot of problems my freshman year in high school. That is where my road to destructive behavior began. I didn’t feel like I fit in at all. I started stealing, using drugs, and disrespecting my family and almost all authority figures.

As I got older, my drug use and stealing increased to support my habit. I created a circle of “friends” who were the delinquents of my town. Things were clearly out of control. My parents suggested Cross Creek. They said it would be an opportunity for me to improve my life. It was either Cross Creek or jail and I had to make a choice.

I agreed to go. When I first got to Cross Creek, I planned to stay in my image and fake my program. When I found out that wouldn’t work, I started to act defiant and rebel against the program. I was inconsistent for ten months. I was a roller coaster of good and bad, effort and lazy, sitting and standing. Something in my head finally clicked. I decided to start working. I graduated Focus, and I started to work on my issues such as my addiction, self-esteem, OCD, and relationships. I also learned a lot about accountability. It has been really great for me.

As of right now I am level four (or service status) and working hard. I have finally learned to be thankful for Cross Creek and I have learned the value of family. I have also figured out that all I have to do to go home is work on my issues and improve my life. I can improve my life while earning privileges in the facility. It is a win-win situation.

Cross Creek has helped me to make some real and working friends, as well as learn the value of my family. If it were not for Cross Creek, I would probably be on a path of damaging distress. I thank my parents for sending me to a program where I can learn, have fun and improve my life. I can be successful in everything I choose to do.

When I think of short cuts, I think of an easier way of getting somewhere. When I think about a place that is worth going to, I think about something I am not going to regret once there. I think it is a privilege to realize that some times I have to go through a mess in order to get where I want to go, because everyone is struggling to make it. One place I think that is worth going to is home.

The way to go home is all on me. I make this program last as long as I need to, and I am learning to get through struggles such as still wanting to lie and manipulate my way out. I know that Cross Creek is for me about me, because without the tools here I could not become successful. I am learning that taking short cuts is not working at all. I would not learn anything, and there would not be much to be proud of.

Right now I am having a hard time in school, because I thought that the only way to get through school was by cheating. I wanted to go to college for the social life and the joy of being out of school when done. Now I am having to relearn things I should have already known. With my approved attitude about school I have realized that the kind of college life I was thinking of I don’t want anymore; I want to be there because I have earned the privilege by working hard and that I didn’t cheat anyone or myself to get there.

A place worth going to is something I can be proud of. Sometimes the learning comes through such things as a “silent process” where I learn to be by myself without being sad or mopey. This process taught me to be patient and to live with myself. I feel that as I am open to learning, I can also be open to working. There are no short cuts if I want to be successful. And in order for me to be successful at home, I cannot take short cuts in my program.

I would like to speak directly to my experience of Cross Creek Manor regarding their use of consequences.

First of all, it has been my experience and I have learned that being truly accountable for your actions, often times requires appropriate consequences. Knowing what these consequences are, will also help a person when making their choices. THAT is how the use of consequences is used by Cross Creek Manor. Every teen there knows what the rules are, what is required of them to learn and grow, what acceptable behavior is and what isn’t, and what it will take to “graduate” the program and live in a healthy, working manner.

While the rules themselves are strict and may seem “over the top” from the outside, when you realize these teens come from an environment where “rules are made to be broken” and “everything is negotiable”, this is the 1st in the foundation to creating positive change. When adults jump in and try to manage the situation and/or mitigate the consequence, then the teens have won! Their manipulative behavior is reinforced. I have not found ANY of the consequences to be overly harsh or punitive. And it has been my experience that Cross Creek Manor maintains consistency regarding the use of these consequences. This is the MOST critical part of any agreement.

If a child loses privileges, drops in their levels, or even requires transfer to a different facility, it should not come as any surprise to them. THEY make that choice, no one else. They learn to be accountable for their behaviors and choices this way. They would NOT be in this specialized environment if they already led an accountable life.

It has been my experience that no teen has been transferred from Cross Creek Manor other than to:

• Protect the teen
• Protect the other teens
• Facilitate a more appropriate treatment plan

And it has been my experience that the parents are always involved in the decision. For any teen to be crying “unfair treatment”, “wrongfully consequenced” or worse yet, “abused” is beyond my comprehension. I have never known the staff of Cross Creek Manor to be anything other than loving, caring and always looking out for the teens’ best interest!

My daughter was at Cross Creek Manor for 20 months. In that time, trust me, she made her share of “non-working” choices and received appropriate consequences that ALL helped make her the wonderful, accountable, honest, respectful young leader she is today! Thank God for Cross Creek and their ability to offer consistent, appropriate and fair consequences when I was not able to!

My daughter was there because she was making life choices that would eventually KILL her! Taking away her privileges seems the least impactful part of this whole process. She learned to live a clean and sober life by placing limits on her own behavior and being accountable for everything she does. I believe this program saved my daughter’s life and so does she!

Our journey started on November 11, 2003, which was the day I called and spoke with Irene in admissions and two days later we were on our way to Cross Creek touring the facility and talking with young teen girls that would answer any questions we had. After our visit we decided that Cross Creek was the place for Nikki. On November 22, 2003, we took Nikki to Cross Creek, which was to be her home for the next twenty-one months.

We decided that we would do whatever it took to learn the program through seminars and participate as much as we could. In December of 2003 we were in Chicago for our Discovery seminar and in February 2004 we did Focus. Throughout 2004 and through August 2005 we never missed a phone call from Norm or Miss Karla or Miss Jean. We were very impressed with the progress Nikki made in the program. In August 2005 we were on our way to PCIII. We brought Nikki home on August 22, 2005 and she enrolled at Andover High School, which she left in 2003.

Nikki was not "fixed" as some people might think. Kids don't get "fixed". They learn tools to help them deal with day-to-day life in a way that is "working" verses the "non-working" choices they made in the past. Parents are taught to LISTEN instead of always talking and trying to fix problems. Nikki now has the benefit of all she has learned to help her dealt with issues she will probably have for the rest of her life. Speaking our her life.....she would not be her today if it wasn't for Cross Creek. I often told Norm that God sent him to us to help Nikki. We truly believe that there are no accidents. Norm taught Nikki to look at life in a different way then she did before. The program teaches self worth and to value family and the family values. Is everything perfect? NO.....nothing in life is perfect. Is our family life better then it was before Nikki went away? YES....she is now a full part of our family and has learned to talk about her issues and values what our family stands for.

We continue to be involved in the program. Nikki will be staffing an adult Discovery in Chicago in mid February and goes to monthly local support group meetings and has be active in many school activities. Nikki is a different person today then she was two years ago. Today she has a solid value system and life contract that guides her actions on a daily basis. She has lived that contract 110% and has never faltered as of this writing. We are so proud of her and look forward to her going to college this fall. She was accepted to Oakland University a couple of weeks ago to further her education in the field of media. We will be forever grateful for Cross Creek and their wonderful staff!